Thoughts on starting a new job

So tomorrow is my first day at the new job. I have to say, I’m rather excited. I do admit that my excitement was immediate and I’ve gone through a whole range of emotions to get here.

First: Excited
There’s the initial excitement at getting a job. Jumping up and down. Doing the happy dance all over the house. Calling/texting/emailing everyone you know to announce the big news. It’s a big f—in’ deal and you’re incredibly happy.
There’s the excitement of starting a career and having that first grown-up job. It goes without saying that I’ve worked really hard to get my law license and to see all that hard work finally lead to the end goal. And to finally get to feel like the grown-up my age suggests.
Aside from the obvious reasons, I’d been unemployed for quite sometime. For those of you who have never had the experience, long-term unemployment can be quite demoralizing. When I graduated in May, I set what I thought to be a very reasonable goal of finding a job by the new year. Well the new year came and went. Add that to the fact that I was the last from my circle of law school friends to find a job. As I was pretty down on myself about the whole thing, it made the high of finally landing a job that much more higher.

Second: Nervous
So wait, I have to be an attorney now. I’ll have my own caseload, clients, supervisors, and hours to bill. Responsibilities. As excited as I am to be starting my career, I’m suddenly nervous about all that responsibility. The responsibilities of being a grown-up seem like minor cares next to the ethical and moral responsibilities of a lawyer. Someone’s case will rely on me. Suddenly the nervousness at having all these responsibilities is making me scared that I can’t handle it. Which leads to…

Third: Scared
Will I be able to handle my responsibilities? Am I cut out for this? Will I be a good attorney? Heck, will I even like the place? OMG OMG OMG!!!

Finally: Excited again.
And then back to the beginning. Eventually either the fear fades or you realize that the fear is part of the excitement. Excitement with just a dash apprehension is what makes up an adventure. And who doesn’t want an adventure (excitement)? Part of the fun of the adventure is not knowing how it will turn out (fear). And the only way to find out is to show up. So I will be showing up at my new adventure – bright and early tomorrow morning at 9:30am.

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